before i can fully begin to assess the level of shitty driving that i encounter on a daily basis in my city of residence, nashville, i must openly admit to some things....i dont want to be called a hypocrite you know. first and foremost, yes, my driving record is not the best. unfortunately, i have been pulled over for going 95 in a 65, but to my defense, it was 5 am and no one else was on the goddamned road except for me and sadly the po. also accidents, ive been in quite a few....again though, only one was my fault and that was six years ago now. the others were all me getting rear ended. no, i do not stop short a lot, people just love crashing into the back of my car. please, dont ask me why, i dont have the answer. since i know this will be brought into question: i am a woman and i did learn how to drive in jers. these are two things that may work against me in a court of can mimi decide who is a good driver and who is not. well let me say this, i have never been in any serious accidents, i have survived fifteen hours of driving in a car alone on serious lack of sleep, and well, honestly, i feel as if i have the right to bitch about anything i want to (otherwise why on earth would i write this blog?)....so without any further introduction; things i despise about driving in nashville.
1. the blinker: use your fucking blinker you fucking shitty nashville fucking drivers that dont understand what that stick on the side of your steering wheel is fucking for. people in jers may drive like maniacs (myself included) but with proper blinker usage all parties are warned ahead of time whether it be a turn or a lane change. im just saying so many accidents could be avoided if blinkers were used. also if im waiting to turn off of a street that you are driving like 5 fucking mph down and then all of a sudden you make a right onto the street that i am on...well thats just fucking rude. i could have gone like fifteen minutes ago you slow fuck. it is a known fact that i hate people who dont use their blinkers. i use my blinker to pull into my fucking drive way in jers which is at the end of a dead end. if i were a cop, i would only pull over people who didnt use their blinkers. yes, i'd be a shitty cop, but at least the world would be full of a lot more blinking lights. case in point....use your blinker. also, now that i have gotten all of that unnecessary anger out we can continue with a lot less use of the word fuck or any variation on that.
2. right turns: most right turns are designed to be taken at about 10 to 20 mph, depending on the vehicle in question. i know this because i took about 4 classes on traffic/transportation engineering during undergrad so please dont question my credentials. in nashville though, most people take right turns at 5 mph or less. this causes a lot of unnecessary braking, which causes a lot of unnecessary use of gas. therefore, nashville, you are costing me about $5 to $10 extra in gas a week. yes, i did the math and yes, that last statement was false...seeing as i actually pulled the number out of my ass. but since time is money, i see this as a fair assessment. let's just say, i hate having to slow down for people who insist on taking a wide right turn at 2 mph when i surely know that i am going to whip my definitely more likely to tip suv around the corner at about 12 mph. im just saying.....
3. the acceleration ramp: do not, i repeat do not, stop your car on the acceleration ramp unless of course, there is a stop or yield sign, in which case you would not even be on the acceleration ramp. for those of you who dont know, the acceleration ramp is the ramp used to enter a highway aka the ramp you accelerate on so that once you reach the highway you are going about 5 mph under the speed limit or faster. therefore, like it or not nashville, i will be accelerating on this stretch of road. if you stop at the end of it because you have to make sure there are no cars, then you, my dear, are a shitty shitty driver. that is what your mirrors are for. also i will most likely have to swerve not to hit you and step on my brake...again causing me to lose unnecessary amounts of gas.
4. the gas crisis: this has nothing to do with actual ability to drive, but everything to do with the fact that once placed in a car most nashvillians turn into tards. case in point: the gas crisis last fall. we brought it on ourselves and that's really all i have to say about that.
so please nashville, learn how to drive or get a better public transportation system....i am begging you.
dont hold it against me,
mimi.
post script: it feels good to be back in action, even if my grammar has only improved slightly.
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