mimi: quite frankly, i'm over it.

everyone i know is settling....literally everyone. settling for jobs, settling for guys/girls, just settling on life in general. what the fuck is the point of living if you are not going to be LIVING.

why do we make all of these sacrifices for things that don't matter (myself included)?? money, a false sense of security, wanting people that we don't even like to like us. if you don't enjoy someone's presence then why do you care how they feel about you? it doesn't matter because you don't want to be around them anyway. i'm so tired of people pleasers. if you want to please me, then just go out into the world and do your thing. don't give a fuck what other people say.

it kills me when i watch my friends give up on things just because certain obstacles exist. my boyfriend doesnt live near a good school so ill just go to a tier three. i dont have the money so i'm not going to take the job i've always wanted in the new city that would be fucking amazing to live in. i've finally met someone who makes me feel amazing, love at first sight kind of thing (although i'm not really sure this exists), but yet, i dont want to make the effort because he doenst live close. get the fuck over it people.

everyone in this world has to get out there and start living. start doing what you were put here to do...be yourself.

that's all.

ali: lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off.

i like to lead multiple lives. not multiple lives as in multiple personalities, but multiple lives in that i don't want any one group of people to know too much about me. i think it's really important to keep a little mystery floating around in regards to who you are and why you behave the way you do. i don't like people to meet my parents, i don't like to mix groups of friends. i prefer when you can act a certain way in front of one group of people and another way in front of different people.

for example, i barely drink when i'm with a certain group of friends. we get coffee, we go out dinner, we go shopping, but we don't go out. not that i don't think it wouldn't be fun, but the way that our personalities blend, we find it more fun to sit around and play board games than get shitfaced. my friends from school, however, we based our entire beginnings of our friendship on how much we all enjoy going out and getting drunk. blackout best friends turned into real best friends. i behaved very differently with the people i had classes with and the people i lived with. there are a few friends who can make the jump between class, partying, gossiping, shopping, and doing nothing friends, but not many.

there are many facets to my personality, and i don't like to let one person see them all. i don't think of it as lying per se, but it is, essentially. and it is fun. it's fun to maintain some sort of air about you, to let people know that you are not as simple as you seem on the surface. maybe it's just me, but i think keeping things close to the vest is very satisfying. you get to decide who you want to be for an afternoon, for a week, for a month, with the option to alter you behavior depending on your location. it's an interesting experiment, and i recommend that everyone try it.

mimi: tidbits of me, let's call them trinkets.

yea ali, one of those cards would definitely improve my life substantially.

so i am having a hard time coming up with one topic for this post as my mind has been clouded lately, but alas, the blog will not wait for me. actually that's a lie, it will. it is ali who will not give it a rest if i take a few days to post. this is ok though, since i get on her case too....i guessssssss.

since i am lazy and do not feel like trying to create an awesome, one subject post, i leave you with a list. this list made up of trinkets about me....of course. again, these numbered parcels are essential to your life. (yes that last sentence did not make sense, i just wanted to use the word "parcels" no matter how inapprop it may have been)

without further ado,

1. i definitely relate to the new kanye song "heartless". i don't mean kanye though, i mean the girl he is singing about. this may or may not be a bad thing, let me get back to you on that.

2. toothbrush toothpicks are the fucking coolest invention. they don't chip my fake teeth, therefore, i love them.

3. i just figured out that itunes allows you to rent movies....my bed has suddenly become somewhere that i will spend wayyy more than a third of my life.

4. my car stereo broke over a year ago and i have yet to get it fixed. instead i use my ipod speakers. this is the most ridiculous thing many of my friends have seem. luckily i have yet to cause a pile up (knocking on wood as i type).

5. nail polish completes any outfit in my opinion. also, while freshly painted nails do look, well, polished and lovely; there is something to be said about chipped nail polish and the raw sexuality it exudes. post script: i am fucking awesome at painting my own nails, but don't ask me to do yours because i will suck at it.

6. i love runon sentences.

7. i did not make it to banana republic in time to get the elephant bag, which would have given me 10% off every time i make a purchase in '09. sorry to disappoint ali.

8. i want a tattoo of a brontosaurus. just an outline. when i was little i wanted to be a palientologist.

9. i hate shows about people losing weight. that shit is so fucking ridiculous, people getting paid to be fat. i quit smoking a pack of cigs a day cold turkey....now that deserves its own fucking show.

10. i prefer to be nocturnal....i have yet to figure out how to accomplish this now that i am not in college anymore.

alright i'm tired and i feel that this is enough information for one day. i will post better next time, i swear slash that is probably a lie but it's cool.


post script: my cat is staring at me and i am a little afraid.

ali: i should not be held accountable.

it's really not my fault that i don't have any self-control; personally, i believe that it is genetic. it doesn't matter what we're discussing: speeding, drinking, drugs, shopping, hooking up with boys - it all boils down the the fact that i cannot and will not ever be able to control myself.

i googled "preventative gastric bypass" the other day. based on the way that i do and plan to eat for the rest of my life, they might as well get the stomach stapling over with while i am still relatively young and heal easily. i can take like a month of off work to recuperate, but i might not be able to do that when i'm 40.

furthermore, drunk driving is another thing i should never be held accountable for. one drink is never enough. also, three drinks is never enough. 5 or 6 is. on some occasions. and i can't sleep in bars, so i have to drive home. some bars are close enough to my house that it's not really a big deal, but in other cases, i just have to turn the key and driiiive.

shopping is probably my worst downfall. i thoroughly enjoy having new things. it's a sickness.

all of this is to say that i believe the government should issue me a card. a card that states "ali shall not be held accountable for breaking the law, as she is genetically incapable of following rules. also, she should get all of her clothes for free." i absolutely would not have any problems if someone gave me one of these. my life would be so much better, and i would never get in trouble again.

mimi, i know you need one of these as well; however, your problems are mostly related to drinking, shopping, and that little birdy in your mouth that makes you say inappropriate things. there are so many things that this card would be useful for. i believe that unless i kill someone (and even that is negotiable sometimes), the rules should not apply to me. end of story.

ps. i hate the way refrigerators smell.

mimi: thank you; a vain attempt.

today i will write about something, which all of you out there need to understand about me....the words thank you are really not a part of my vocabulary. now you may think that i sound like a bit of a B and well, i do. the thing is though, i am a very thankful person and many times i am generally surprised by a compliment. this surprise does not come from the fact that i dont believe the comment is true though, it comes from the fact that you noticed what i was trying to accomplish, whether it be through an outfit or through wacky advice. (i obviously just wanted to say the word wacky). many times instead of saying thank you...i say i know and then explain why i did such a thing or how i came up with an idea. i do not mean any harm by this, i am just trying to help the general public understand my personality (this is essential to life). so without further ado, here are some examples, which may help you understand:

1. Jen (friend): Michele, your hair looks great today, really soft and it falls perfectly.
Bonnie (other friend): yea, it really does.
Me (huge B): yea, i know...i think it has something to do with the shampoo to conditioner ratio, which i implemented this morning.
Jen & Bonnie: umm yea, that must be it.
Me: Oh, oh shit....and by all of that i meant thank you.

2. Danielle (another friend): thanks for the great advice about dating two boys at once. you're right i shouldnt have to settle on one if it's only been one or two dates.
Me: i know, that's how i live. once you think it will get serious with one then you choose.
Dani: yea true. you know your stuff.
Me: of course i do. and by "of course i do" i mean thanks.

3. Stranger: wow, great outfit.
Me: i know, i loved this when i put it on this morning.
Stranger:.....
Me: oh wait, thank you. sorry about that. (semi yelling as the stranger walks away)

so as you can see, i have a hard time with the words thank you. let me assure everyone out there though, that i sincerely do appreciate the compliments...i just have a poor way of showing it. next time please just call me out on my lack of thanks. also i know #2 may not have been the best advice to some of you, but that is a chat for another time.

later loves.

post script: i actually hate the words "i am sorry"....their absence from my vocabulary is very to different to that of the words "thank you".

ali: a brief history of time.

my mother has a two hundred year-old grandfather clock. it belonged to her great-great-grandfather, and, therefore, it is, both literally and in name, a grandfather clock. it is in our kitchen. the kitchen, mind you, is literally steps away from the family room. the clock is basically ticking in my ear every time i sit anywhere in or around the kitchen or family room. it is probably the most annoying thing ever.

thing is, my mom freaking loves it. like loves it loves it. it's kind of bizarre, really. according to her, her siblings don't care about anything that belonged to their family so it falls to her delicate shoulders to pick up the slack. tonight my mother decided that i needed a lesson in learning how to operate a piece of two hundred year-old machinery. it had stopped ticking, and so she asked me how to start it again. my response? "i don't know, close the little door?"

needless to say, this was incorrect, leading to a loooong lecture about family heirlooms and what will happen to them. if you people had any idea how much freaking china that "belonged to my grandmother" is in my house, you would fall down dead. when i told my dear mother that i would sell it on ebay (in jest, of course), she simply put her head in her hands.

obviously, i wasn't joking. i'm not a collector. personally, i think having things that belonged to dead people is kind of weird. my mother offered me my grandmother's engagement ring for if ever i get married, and i respectfully declined. also, i am not one to subscribe to the hoarding mentality, which is what collecting something boils down to. i believe in pragmatism, only owning and keeping things you have a use for. it's silly to have an entire set of plates and silverware you use twice a year.

maybe i'm young, maybe i'm too immature to understand the desire to own things that belonged to the generation before. (also why i do not shop in real vintage stores - just the fake ones.) who knows. but for my mother's sake, let's hope that i grow to love that goddamn grandfather clock just as much as she does.

mimi: who wants to be my bff?

so first off, ali is mad at me for being a lame blogger and sluggish poster. see below...

ali (posted on my facebook wall at 6:27 pm): michele we are never going to be famous at this rate! post!!

i mean, she is right...nothing ever happened for those who were lazy and well major sloths. butttt i dont like to be told that my lifestyle is wrong (that's right ali, im one hundred percent taking this to an unneeded level). That level i just mentioned in the parenthesis is one in which i ditch ali and go on a search for a new biffle, a la paris hilton....a chick who until recently may never have influenced my reactions (no matter how faux they may be), but a sweet article in nylon made me change my mind (which people are allowed to do...i think). so runon sentences aside, let the hunt begin!

first challenge: find me a huge jar of pickles because i am rather hungry.
second challenge: take a picture of my kitties and make a lolcat.
third challenge: eat a goldfish....because i'm worth it.
fourth challenge: be smart enough to realize that i meant the delicious crackers in the third challenge and not a live one...eww im not a fratchild.
fifth challenge: do not bore me. this is harder to do than it may appear....i swear i am not as easily amused as i appear to be.
sixth challenge: actually read this blog.
seventh challenge: ali i'm over this...no one is cooler than you. sorry for the faux challenge kids.


by now you can all tell that the main point of this blog was to use a ridiculous amount of parentheses and to say the word "faux" twice.

yay, i love you all because you read my stupidity.