alright, i've been promising this new post for a while but let's be honest, i suck at keeping promises. besides the point....i was finally inspired to write two days ago. aka the day that i saw the worst movie of my life. i know that is a juvenile way to describe something, but honestly, i could not think of a better way to put things.
he's just not that into you...the culprit.
easily the most pathetic image of women ever shown on the big screen. the worst part, it was meant to mirror reality. even worse, women everywhere love it. hold on i have to go vom.
while the message of the book was a very legit, needed message; the movie neither reflected nor embraced said message (yes, that was poor semicolon usage). also let me say before i begin, i have acted like a complete moron around/about/with/over/etc. guys, so i do not think that i am the quote-unquote exception. i just think that this movie was a disgusting portrayal of women and how they may or may not interact with men (aka boys, because few are actually men).
so as an explanation for my hatred i will leave you with a character break down.
jennifer aniston's character (because let's be honest their names dont matter): yes, she was probably the least pathetic of the mentally abused, but does she ever express exactly how she feels to her beau, aka ben affleck? no. she just says if you wont marry me, im leaving. what the fuck...no one likes an ultimatum jen, didn't you learn anything from your time with brad?? you could have asked if he didnt like marriage or marriage to you. even better, you could have explained to him why a wedding was important to you; childhood dream, dying father, etc. also at the end of the movie, you figure out that you miss him and take him back before he even attempts to grovel. jen...this is why angie has a beautiful biracial family with your ex and you are stuck with pseudo-homosexual john mayer.
jennifer connelly's character: ok, 1. the only one married and she was a total shrew. 2. poor javier, because he just needed a smoke around that bitch (yes, those cigs belonged to javier and company not bradley cooper....ughhh, huge misconception). so, jennifer, your husband cheats and what do you do...you dont yell, you dont make a scene, you dont curse, you dont even make him sleep on the couch. now, yes those things dont remedy the situation, but they do make you feel damn empowered in the moment. what does that chick do? she tells him they'll work it out and they continue shopping together at home depot for the grill they will never use. ugh, who even wants to be at home depot with their lame husband in the first place? if he's cheating; im out of there, he's walking, and im picking up the first hot, young ass i see. ok, i am getting carried away, but stilllll. then to make matters worse, he is about to fuck scarlett johansson's character when jennifer connelly's shows up at the office. he hides scarlett in the closet and jennifer proceeds to trip over herself seducing him. SAD. also, who wears a bustier underneath their work attire? answer: no one. needless to say, brad disses her because come on, scarlett is in the closet and that is one tough act to follow. they get divorced, obviously...but in real life, it would have been because bradley left jennifer for scarlett and not because jennifer all of the sudden woke up....especially after that abysmal performance in the bustier made for someone ten years her junior.
scarlett johansson's character: yes, the only strong one. she had kevin connollly wrapped around her finger, but not the middle one because they weren't fucking. sad, because he is wayy hotter than bradely cooper, but i digress. so instead of making her an awesomely strong woman who has morals, they made her a whore. of course...because a woman cant be strong and in control, unless she is a whore. because women can only be in control of sex...nothing important, like their jobs or careers or even families. fuck you, screenwriters.
ginnifer goodwin's character (aka gigi aka the worst character with a horrible name): true story, we all know at least one gigi. another true story, if you are really her friend, you tell her she's insane and she has to do these inane things behind your back. secret text...duhhhh. this girl is supposed to embody the type of chick who severely needs the books help, which she does. justin long is supposed to be the guy who sets her straight and for a second, he does. then it all goes wrong at the party. he really doesnt give her any signs that he might be into her....he gives her signs that he feels bad for her aka he pities her. he did not hide his own feelings because they did not exist. gigi, disregarding all of the "rules", throws herself at him. he is obviously hanging out with a hotter chick at the end of the party, he barely talked to her during it, andddd he didnt do exactly what he said a guy would if they liked her...he didnt ask her out, once! so after he rejects her come ons and by come ons, i mean her attempt to rape him, she doesnt leave....no, let's not save face ginnifer. she instead proceeds to lecture him about his pitiful life and his inability to fall in love slash commit. she could not have embarrased herself more. this poor guy was made to feel so bad about a scenario, which she made up in her head, that he had to date her and make her his quote-unquote exception. therefore, the message of the book was totally lost on her and their pseudo-relationship.
drew barrymore's character: she was great. although, she only had ten minutes of screen time so she didn't get the chance to prove herself retarded.
so that is why i hated the movie, i hated the characters, and i want to ban drew barrymore from ever producing a movie about women again. someone start the cock hunt because i smell a tranny.
later lovers,
mimi.
post script: ethan, why are you the nate of 90210?
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