1. being buried alive: i am literally terrified of being buried alive. thanks, mom, for giving me books of edgar allen poe's stories when i was little. i will never, ever forget reading "the fall of the house of usher" or "the cask of amontillado." they were in this collection of books called "little big books" and they were basically classics that were dumbed down enough for little kids to read. the editors and publishers, however, chose not to make them any less traumatizing, apparently. i freaked out when i had to re-read these stories in high school. so, mom, thanks, cause not only do i worry about being buried alive EVERY DAY, but everyone in 1st period english at the academy thought i was weird.
2. people with missing limbs: another thing i can blame on my mom. roald dahl's short story "the swan," in which a kid kills a swan and cuts off its wings and makes another little kid wear them is the most graphic story i have ever read. i've only read it once, but i still remember like super specific details. mom, why did you give me that story to read? ugh. you should have screened these things before you gave them to me. i was just an impressionable child. this story has manifested itself in a fear of people with missing limbs. if i see someone missing an arm or a leg or even a finger, i can't look. thanks to therapy, i no longer scream and run away; now, i just scream a little bit on the inside. i can totally watch anything dealing with blood or surgeries, but if amputation comes up, i'm done for. over the summer, my mom was watching something on tv that she wanted me to come look at. it was about a woman who went into the hospital with an infection and came out with NO HANDS OR FEET. ahh, moommmm, why are you trying to ruin my life?
3. umbrellas: i'm not afraid of umbrellas per se, but i have concocted this super elaborate scenario in my head which consists of me walking down the street with an umbrella and accidentally lifting up some poor man's toupee. how embarrassing for everyone involved. if this were ever to happen to anyone, it would happen to me. in my head it plays out like this:
me: excuse me, sir, you seem to have lost something.
baldy: oh, thank you ma'am.
and then he goes to take his toupee off of my fucking umbrella and it's stuck.
me: sir, i apologize for this inconvenience. here, take this umbrella for your trouble.
baldy: thank you.
and then i would never carry an umbrella again.
i don't know how to blame this one on my mom, but if i think about it for a while, i'm sure i can come up with something.
4. eating in public with strangers: lunch/dinner dates are the worst. i hate hate hate the sounds of other people chewing, when people slurp their soup, using utensils in restaurants, drinking with dinner, and spilling stuff on myself. all of these things tend to happen when i have to eat in public. why would you go out to lunch or dinner when you don't know someone well? the combination of eating and talking is always super awkward, someone usually gets drunk, you don't want to complain about anything since you don't want to risk looking like a shrew, and because you're nervous, you'll probably spill and/or drop something. whyyyyy would you want to subject yourself to any of that? ahhh, i'm freaking out just thinking about it.
there are dozens more, but these are the few that affect my life on a daily basis. i know they're weird, but, hey, who ever said i was normal?
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