ali: things i'm over, from a to z.

in response to time magazine's "a to z" special, i have decided to do one of my own, featuring things that i'm over. not to say that i necessarily loved any of these things to begin with, but they are over to the point that i will be ignoring/avoiding them from now on. without further ado, the list:

a is for airports: spending eternity in an airport is what i imagine the 2nd circle of hell to be like. everyone is in a hurry, exhausted, starving, or hungover. there are people dashing everywhere, pushing you out of their way to what? get to a gate and sit there for an hour? ugh, no thanks.

b is for boots: i get it, i like boots just as much as the next person. they're cute, they keep your feet warm. they were fun like 2 years ago, but now they are literally EVERYWHERE. if i see another payless commercial for cheap, ugly boots, i will kill myself.

c is for celebrity roasts: cute idea, back when it was like johnny carson and those kids, but pamela anderson? cheech and chong? sex and drugs are, well, sexy, but give me a break.

d is for dry-clean only: if i read dry-clean only on one more tag, i will burn all of my clothes in protest. it's expensive, it's inconvenient, and it's stupid.

e is for for ecru: it's in literally every crossword puzzle, and i'm tired of the word.

f is for flipping houses: the real estate market crashed, so pretty much everyone is so over flipping houses. but let me just tell you, i was first that train, because as soon as every cable channel had a show about flipping, it was over for me.

g is for google phone: i do love google, but t mobile? ugh, be available on verizon, please.

h is for the human rights campaign: don't get me wrong, i have no problem with hrc on a grand scale, but when you've got your own vanderbilt chapter and nick wells is running it, well, then, i'm over you.

i is for insomnia: staying up til 6 am just to watch saved by the bell was fun while it lasted, but now i just find it annoying to have to wait around to fall asleep.

j is for jobs: i just want to go back to college. so over having a job.

k is for kohl's: seriously, tone it down with the commericals and calling yourself a department store. neiman marcus is a department store. saks is a department store. kohl's, you are one and a half steps above wal-mart. embrace it.

l is for liberals: i promised myself i wasn't going to make this political, but it must be said. you hate freedom and you're ruining america.

m is for milk: no, not the dairy substance (which is gross, except in coffee), but milk, the movie based on the life of harvey milk, the first gay man to be elected to public office in california and later assasinated by a fellow local politician. what bothers me is not the movie in and of itself (though milk's story has already been told in the superb the times of harvey milk, which won the academy award for best documentary in 1985), but the choice of sean penn to play the title character. not only is penn one of the latest actor turned politician buffoons, but he is also an acting oppportunist, which is the most annoying thing ever. great story, bad actor. ugh.

n is for niagara falls: niagara falls sucks on its own, and it's being overrun with canadians. things could not get worse.

o is for other: on anything you have to fill in with your race, there is a space for "other." what does this mean?!

p is for professional football: not only do i think it's weird to watch men in tights hit each other, but people are so obsessed that it's scary. also, the titans are one of the reasons that nashville traffic sucks on a regular basis.

q is for quebec: yeah, montreal is cool if you're 18 and want to drink legally, but other than that, quebec brings nothing to the table. plus, they're the closest thing to french in north america, and who wants that?

r is for rice: the red-headed stepchild of the grain family, rice is the poor man's pasta. plus, it's hard to cook it right. when i try, it usually turns out pretty bad.

s is for sundays: saturdays are full of potential and awesome, but no one wants to do anything on sundays except lay in bed and watch episodes of one tree hill. nothing is open, the mall is crowded, and, plus, the next day is monday. ew.

t is for time magazine: although time magazine did inspire this post with their "a to z: a year in medicine," they completely skipped the letters that they found inconvenient, including the letter x. xanax, anyone?

u is for umbrellas: never liked 'em. plus, have you ever tried to walk down a crowded sidewalk with one? or been impaled by an unaware pedestrian? the worst.

v is for viagra: those freaking "viva viagra" commercials are driving me up the freaking wall.

w is for wool: it's itchy.

x is for x: what a useless letter.

y is for yelling: there's nothing i hate more than people unnecessarily raising their voices. especially on the radio. and even more especially when people on the radio are yelling at each other.

z is for zoos: not only do i have a significant problem with locking animals up for our personal amusement, but zoos are also dirty. and they smell.


post script: mimi, it's your turn. let's hear it.